Am I? I am.

*Blog Disclaimer*

MCEDSV values the voices of all survivors. We acknowledge the power and change that can be created with perspective sharing based on one’s personal identities and experiences. It is our hope that after engaging with various narratives and perspectives, individuals are able to challenge their own belief systems and feel empowered to self-reflect on how to be an effective advocate, ally, and social change agent within the anti-oppression movement.

Furthermore, please note the views and opinions expressed in this section (Personal Narratives and/or Voices of Color) of our blog are not a direct reflection of the views and opinions of MCEDSV. To that point, views expressed are not applicable to every individual who shares an identity or set of identities with the original author. While you read, keep in the forefront that this is just one individual’s perspective in a diverse world, within our movement and beyond.

Erin shares how she’s coping with working from home during a pandemic. 

I am good at my job.

That is what they tell me. It is also something I know, deep inside of me. I know it because I feel proud of moments, happy about progress (even if it is painfully slow-incremental change), see it on the faces of those I work with and for, and most of all because sometimes whatever I was working on worked. Those things aren’t constant, so I have to actively remind myself that I felt, saw, or witnessed them. It is an intentional and active effort to remember and value those moments. So, I am good at my job.

I say all that to say, I’m a terrible school teacher. I’m even a worse principal. I’m an absent stay-at-home parent. I am a distracted partner. And I guarantee, I’m going to be the worst summer camp counselor on earth. But I’m not supposed to be any of those.

I’m supposed to see kids off to school or camp.

I’m supposed to listen to NPR on my commute (even if it is only 10 minutes).

I’m supposed to leave my home.

I’m supposed to come home to my family.

I’m supposed to get a break.

None of those things are true right now. And therefore, I must do better to intentionally and actively remember and value the moments where these statements can be authentically said.

I am good at my job.

I am being the best school teacher I can be.

I am being the best principal I know how to be.

I will be the best summer camp counselor I can be.

I am a good parent.

I am a good partner.

These are true. They are not true 100% of the time and that is where self-love, self-compassion, and awareness comes in.

My daughter held my face in her 9-year-old hands the other day, tilted her head,  and as her eyes locked on mine, deepened her gaze, and said, “Mutti, you can’t do it all. We know how hard you work. Let us help. We love you.”

I chose to listen.

I choose to feel pride, look for progress, and see successes.

So, now I can keep being good at my jobs.

Erin Roberts is a Senior Program Director of The Non-Profit Management Project at the Michigan Coalition to End Domestic and Sexual Violence. If you or someone you know is a survivor of sexual violence, our trained advocates are available to talk 24 hours a day toll-free at 1-855-VOICES-4 (1-855-864-2374).

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